So, as some of you know and none of you care, my dad’s in rehab right now.
He left me in charge of the finances.
Before this, I’ve never had this amount of shit to deal with.
At any one point, I’m just worrying about my cell phone bill and that’s it.
Today I had to deal with paying the cable, car ins., his phone, my sister’s phones, rent, internet, grocery shopping, buying him shit to bring to his rehab, and giving out money to each of my siblings.
The entire time, he’s calling me every half hour/45 minutes trying to micro-manage what I’m doing, because although he said he did, he obviously didn’t trust me with anything. There’s no real way to describe my dad, but a normally 5 minute conversation takes 20 or more with him, because the way his mind works(or doesn’t) he repeats himself time and time again, at the same time he forgets what you say, and it just gets super frustrating. I know he can’t help it, but it was stressing me out so hard that I’d forget what I was doing and have to stop what I was doing and regroup after every phone conversation.
Anyway… it’s wasn’t a ton of stuff to deal with, but it was new to me, and I’m absolutely terrible with money/numbers. And as I was sitting in the car at the bank parking lot trying to deal with all the numbers that were involved with today I fucking broke down and started crying.
I haven’t cried in at least a year. I simply don’t remember the last time it was.
But as I was struggling to handle simple addition and division and shit, I watched like 8 career options just fly out the fucking window. And it just fucking sucked.
And this was all with the assistance of my mother, who was driving me around and making sure I knew what I was doing.
I’ve always known I was a loser, but today just kind of solidified that for me. If I can’t even handle paying a few bills and going grocery shopping, how the fuck do I think I’m gonna amount to anything in this shitty fucking life?